


My Job

by ManiacProductions



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Completely Cannon, Guilty Ninth Doctor, Nine's Inner Monologue, What the heck do I tag?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 00:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2208126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ManiacProductions/pseuds/ManiacProductions
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."</p>
<p>"Exterminate!"</p>
<p>The doctor reflects on Rose Tyler after he believes a Dalek has murdered Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Job

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old piece of work of mine that I revised recently.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> _Italics_ \- Past conversations

_"Sorry, I was a bit slow."_ My hearts slowed. A bit slow?...What? No. NO!

_"It wasn't your fault. Remember that, okay? It wasn't your fault."_ Lies. My fault. Always my fault.

_"And do you know what?"_ What? What is it? What could be important now? Nothing.

_"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."_ What? Even in your end, you'd do it again? Die again?

"Exterminate!"

I subtly flinch as the sound of the blast reaches my ears. One blast was all it took, one blast to kill someone. Her atoms would separate so far apart as the blast ran through her system, it'd be like torture as she disintegrated. Did she feel the pain? Was her last few moments filled with pain and fear? Was she scared when she died? Did she curse my name in her last moments alive?

"I killed her."

I say quietly as I look in front of me. I felt nothing. Scratch that I felt empty. The first person to travel with me, to make me feel like I had a purpose since that damn war, was dead. And you know what?

I killed her.

It's all My Fault.

My.

Bloody.

Fault.

A bright and innocent girl, one who wanted to see the stars. Who's eyes were kind to everyone, humans and aliens alike, even to those who most felt didn't deserve that kindness. The girl who saw her planet die, saw it burn and waste away. And yet even after that she stayed with me, after that she still trusted me and still laid her life in my hands. My damned murdering hands. It was my job, a job I took seriously.

It was my job to protect her from this, my job to keep her safe and alive. I was the one who was supposed to keep her safe, bring her back home to her mum and her Mickey the idiot. I had promised her. I thought she'd be safe and yet she wasn't, was she? No, she's dead now. D-E-A-D. Dead as a door nail.

I failed.

I failed at my job and now because of that she was gone. Never again to laugh, to feel the sun on her face. Her brown eyes were dulled and glassy, the eyes of the dead. She should've lived, lived to see a husband and children. She should've lived to see her grandchildren and maybe even see her great-grandchildren, but now she couldn't.

"I'm sorry." Henery Van Stattan said from behind me. I should kill him, I should throw him down there with his precious pet. With "his" living specimen and see how sorry he is then. Because this is his fault! His fault. My fault. Our fault.

"I said I'd protect her. She was only here because of me, and you're sorry? I could've killed that Dalek in it's cell, but you stopped me." I'm angry now, I'm actually beyond angry now. He's sorry?!?! He's the reason she's dead, he's the reason I can't take her back home. That Dalek should be dead, me and Rose should be gone by now, this place should be shut down and dead. And HE'S GODDAMN SORRY! The venom in my voice, the hatred in my eyes, the storm brewing. It makes Henery flinch, then it makes him do something so stupid that it makes me wonder if he really is as smart as he proclaims.

"It was the prize of my collection!" Stupid, stupid, stupid man. His collection? He's worried about that collection? All those people dead! Scientists, Soldiers, technicians. Rose. All dead. All because he cared more about his collection, all because he was stupid enough to not see the danger. Hundreds of people. All dead. Dead, Gone, Never coming back.

"Your collection? But was it worth it? Worth all those men's deaths? Worth Rose? Let me tell you something, Van Statten. Mankind goes into space to explore, to be part of something greater." I tell them man, anger bubbling through me as my accent seems to get just a bit thicker.

_"If you really are an alien then how come you sound like you're from the north?"_ _  
_

_"Lots of planets have north."_

I push the abandoned memory away for now, it wasn't important anymore.

"Exactly! I wanted to touch the stars!" Van Statten shouted, looking at me. I glare at the man, my hatred and grief pilling up more and more. 

"You just want to drag the stars down and stick them underground, underneath tons of sand and dirt, and label them. You're about as far from the stars as you can get. And you took her down with you. She was nineteen years old." Nineteen fucking years old! Still a kid. She had her whole entire life in front of her. She should've grown old, married the idiot, had little Roses, she should've lived. The sound of footsteps reaches my ears, a pair of light footsteps. Adam. "You were quick on your feet, leaving Rose behind." I say bitterly, angry at myself and angry at the rest of the world. Their fault, my fault, our fault.

"I'm not the one who sealed the vault!" He defends himself, also putting more blame on me as he does. My fault. There's a ding kind of sound, causing me and the others in the office to turn to the screen on the wall. A picture, one I easily identify, sends my heart soaring happily. But I'll never admit it, not in a million years.

"Open the bulkhead or Rose Tyler dies." A electronic voice says and my happiness dies quickly, instead replaced by anger and worry. Disgust actually. I feel disgust and anger, and worry, and hatred, and so many other things. "You're alive!" I shout with a smile, at least that was something good. She wasn't dead. She wasn't safe. She was alive. She wasn't safe. But she was, is, ALIVE. Rose Tyler. My brilliant Rose is alive!

"Can't get rid of me." She says and their's a nervous tint to her voice, though I also hear the tint of laughter and joy. She's scared, she's alive. She's nervous, she's still alive.

"I thought you were dead." I tell her and something sparks in her eyes. I can't tell because it's video and not real life, but I can see it. A gleam in her eyes. What is it? What does it mean? Is she happy, sad, angry, hurt?

"Open the bulkhead!" The Dalek demands and if it weren't for the fact that Rose was it's prisoner, I would've told it to piss off. But the case was that Rose was his prisoner and while the Dalek was keeping her alive now, it would kill her the instant it thought she became useless.

"Don't do it!" Brave as ever, isn't she? Willing to die locked up with a Dalek rather than live and let the monster lose.

"What use are emotions if you will not save the woman you love?" The Dalek questions and for once in my current incarnation I'm at a stand still. I could sacrifice Rose and watch her die at the hands of one of the most ruthless monsters in the whole galaxy or I could save her and risk the whole world falling to the hands of this monster. I knew the others were watching me, waiting for my decision.

"I killed her once. I can't do it again." I say, press the button and opening the bulk head for the Dalek and Rose. I clench my fists and prepare for war. This was ending, right here and right now. I was killing that Dalek and saving Rose. I'm not going to fail her again, not this time.

The bulkhead opens and the two disappear from view.

"What do we do now, you bleeding heart. What the hell do we do?" Statten snaps at me and I whirl around, glaring at him. Was he really one to talk right now? Right fucking now? This was his own damn fault; he was the one who wouldn't kill that Dalek.

"Kill it when it gets here." Adam says before I can lay into Statten about how this wasn't my fault. It was all his fault. Goddard, Statten's assistant, raises an eyebrow at Adam.

"All the guns are useless, and the alien weapons are in the vault." She says to him, looking a little confused. Adam grins, a little bit smug about whatever he had thought up.

"Only the cataloged ones."


End file.
